2020 Reading Challenge

In 2019 I undertook a challenge to read 40 works of fiction over the course of the year, the actual number I got to was in the low 80’s. So this year I decided to do something very ambitious and read 104 works of fiction, yes that’s right 2 works of fiction for every week of the year. This is on top of a great deal of non fiction and all the paperwork and reports that I have to wade through every week too. So here is the list I’m going to be working from for the rest of the year.

Coraline- Neil Gaiman

The Graveyard Book- Neil Gaiman

Alloy of Law- Brandon Sanderson

Shadow of Self- Brandon Sanderson

The Bands of Mourning- Brandon Sanderson

The Crystal Shard- R.A. Salvatore

Streams of Silver- R.A. Salvatore

The Halflings Gem- R.A. Salvatore 

Shadow of A Dark Queen- Raymond E Feist

Rise of A Merchant Prince- Raymond E Feist

Rage of A Demon King-Raymond E Feist

Shards of A Broken Crown- Raymond E Feist

Tarkin- James Luceno

Thrawn- Timothy Zahn

The Priestess of the White- Trudi Canavan

Last of the Wilds- Trudi Canavan

Voice of the Gods- Trudi Canavan

Otherland Volume 1- Tad Williams

Otherland Volume 2- Tad Williams

Otherland Volume 3- Tad Williams

Otherland Volume 4- Tad Williams

Starship Titanic- Douglas Adams

The Salmon of Doubt- Douglas Adams

The Long Earth- Terry Pratchett

The Long War – Terry Pratchett

The Long Mars- Terry Pratchett

The Long Utopia – Terry Pratchett

The Long Cosmos – Terry Pratchett

Thief’s Magic- Trudi Canavan

Angel of Storms- Trudi Canavan

The Successor’s Promise- Trudi Canavan

Dune- Frank Herbert

Earthsea- Ursula La Guin 

Doctor Who: At Childhoods End- Sophie Aldred

Dwarves 1: Markus Heitz 

Dwarves 2: Markus Heitz

Dwarves 3: Markus Heitz

Dwarves 4: Markus Heitz

Dwarves 5: Markus Heitz

War of the Worlds- H.G Wells

The Island of Doctor Moreau- H.G Wells

Around The World In 80 Days- Jules Verne

20,000 Leagues Under The Sea- Jules Verne 

The Inimitable Jeeves- P.G Wodehouse 

Carry On Jeeves – P.G Wodehouse

Very Good Jeeves – P.G Wodehouse

Ankh Morpork Archives- Terry Pratchett

The Carpet People- Terry Pratchett

Casion Royale- Ian Fleming

Dracula -Bram Stoker

Frankenstein- Mary Shelly

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde- Robert Louis Stevenson 

The Phoenix on the Sword- Robert E Howard

Paradise Lost- John Milton

Lair of the White Worm- Bram Stoker 

The Call of Cthulhu- H.P Lovecraft

Baldur’s Gate-  Philip Athans

Canticle- R.A Salvatore  

In Sylvan Shadows- R.A Salvatore  

Night Masks – R.A Salvatore  

The Fallen Fortress – R.A Salvatore  

The Chaos Curse – R.A Salvatore  

Dodgers Guide To London – Terry Pratchett

The World of Poo – Terry Pratchett

War of the Spider Queen 1 – R.A Salvatore  

War of the Spider Queen 2 – R.A Salvatore

War of the Spider Queen 3 – R.A Salvatore

War of the Spider Queen 4 – R.A Salvatore

War of the Spider Queen 5 – R.A Salvatore

War of the Spider Queen 6 – R.A Salvatore

Omerta- Mario Puzo

Odin’s Child- Tim Severin

Sworn Brother- Tim Severin

Kings Man- Tim Severin

The Picture of Dorian Grey- Oscar Wilde

Legend of Alfar Book 1- Markus Heitz 

Legend of Alfar Book 2- Markus Heitz

Legend of Alfar Book 3- Markus Heitz

Legend of Alfar Book 4- Markus Heitz

The Last Wish- Andrzej Sapkowski 

Sword of Destiny – Andrzej Sapkowski 

Blood of Elves- Andrzej Sapkowski 

Time of Contempt- Andrzej Sapkowski 

Baptism of Fire – Andrzej Sapkowski 

The Tower of the Swallow – Andrzej Sapkowski 

The Lady of the Lake – Andrzej Sapkowski 

Faerie Tale- Raymond E Feist

Doctor Who: The Missy Chronicles 

Daughter of the Drow- Elaine Cunningham

Tangled Webs-Elaine Cunningham

Windwalker-  Elaine Cunningham

Pool of Radiance- James Ward

Pool of Darkness- James Ward, Anne Brown

Pool of Twilight-James Ward, Anne Brown

The Tell Tale Heart- Edgar Allan Poe

Doctor Who: The Wheel of Ice- Stephen Baxter 

Doctor Who: The Silent Stars Go By- Dan Abnett

Father Christmas’s Fake Beard- Terry Pratchett

Kull- Exile of Atlantis- Robert E Howard

Solomon Kane: Skulls in the Stars- Robert E Howard

El Borak: Sword of the Hills Robert E Howard

Smith of Wootton Major- J.R.R Tolkien 

Young Zaphod Plays It Safe- Douglas Adams 

A Study in Scarlet- Arthur Conan Doyle

Wonder how many I’ll get through I know 2 a week doesn’t sound like all that much, but who knows what outside influences will be effecting my free time.

2019 Year In Review: TV

I’ve been a bit better this year with TV shows than I have been with movies (as you can probably tell from looking at my 2019 review of films) but I haven’t been great, I still have almost all the stuff from the autumn season to catch up on and will be spending the next few weeks doing so, but what I have seen has been pretty good, so here are my top five TV shows from 2019.

The Witcher

It was a late entry as I only saw it over the holiday period, but the Witcher is what I want from TV, and fantasy in general. Its dark and its gritty, with mythical, magical elements and with a catchy ballad thrown in, and this is one of those cases where I’ve already gone out and purchased the books just to find out what happens because I can’t wait for the next series.

Good Omens

One of the best books I’ve ever read adapted faithfully and without fault for the small screen, with able performances from David Tennant and from Michael Sheen they really bring the apocalypse to life

The Boys

I was dubious about The Boys being adapted for a TV series, and if I was expecting a complete rehash of the comic book I would have been sorely disappointed, but then there are some things that will never be allowed on TV.

The Mandalorian 

Its a Star Wars space western that borrows heavily from stories like Lone Wolf and Cub, but is just full of little easter eggs for the true Star Wars fan, and also has a compelling enough story to keep newbies and novices alike enthralled too.

Lucifer (Season Four)

Picking up where season 3 left off, we deal with the fallout of Chloe finally realising that Lucifer is actually the devil, and Lucifer resuming his relationship with Eve (yes that Eve) with a lot of references to the bible and few bits and pieces and like John Milton and some very tongue in cheek devilish moments to go along with the detective drama.

2019 Year In Review: Movies

2019 in many ways has been a pretty good year for me, but what it has not been, is a year full of spare time. So this has left me with major backlog of books, TV shows,  comic books, movies and video games to catch up on, (and look forward to doing so over the course of the year). But here are some of the best that I got around to experiencing in 2019.

So here are my top three films from 2019 (star wars would have been on it, but I didn’t see it until 2020).

Shaft

I absolutely loved this film, I honestly thing that we all need to be a little more Shaft, in this wide a woke, post me too movement era, its nice to see a little bit of un PC humour coming back into movies, and this one was action packed and full of beautiful one liners and so many amazing coats that I wanted them all (and in fact actually purchased one). I also like that it  ties back to all the previous Shaft films of yesteryear an incorporates them without

Downton Abbey 

It may surprise you to find that I am a huge fan of Downton Abbey (although if you could see the room I’m typing this in, maybe it wouldn’t be that much of a surprise), however I was very impressed with the show, and was rather disappointed when the show came to an end some years ago, but was delighted to learn of that a movie was in the works and this piece certainly holds up.

Aladdin 

I wasn’t expecting much from this film, but I was pleasantly surprised, basically if you go in expecting Robin Williams, you will be disappointed, but Will Smith manages to take the role of Genie for his own, and really nails some of the musical numbers, the Fresh Prince certainly manages to keep things fresh.

Murder Mystery 

I don’t know what it is, but lately I’ve really been enjoying the work of Adam Sandler, a great funny man, who in this instance teams up with Jennifer Aniston to bring yet another netflix original movie to a great deal of comic enjoyment.

As you can see its been a really slow year for me in terms of films I still haven’t even been to see Star Wars yet, which if you know me at all is shocking.  Looking forward to 2020 there are a few films that I’m looking forward to, most notably the New James Bond flick set for this year.

2020 Horoscope Chinese Zodiac

Yesterday I had a look at what 2020 would bring by way of my horoscope for the year, however, unsurprisingly,  I wasn’t left with a sense of purpose and direction for the coming 12 months. This probably has something to do with the fact that millennia old images of now long dead solar infernos have no possible way of determining a persons future, unless they are about to be engulfed in the supernova coming from the destruction of said solar inferno. But as I look for a few filler posts I thought I would give it a go.  And then I remembered the Chinese Zodiac and I thought I would have a look at what the future holds for me based on the position animals came in a race to have tea with the Buddha (or possibly the Jade Emperor depending on which version you happen to be fond of ). So based on my birth year, (1989) or the year of the Earth Snake, here is what 2020 has in store for me.

The year of the earth Pig may have seemed like a very long 365 days for Snakes, but there were some accomplishments. The first 25 days of January represent an interim point when you need to decide what you want to carry into 2020, the year of the metal Rat. What works well for you? What could you tweak to make better? Whether the projects are old or yet to be started, this year they can grow, as can you. This good news comes courtesy of the element metal. Blend this ingredient with your own natural fire and you will possess the awesome ability to plan your life on your terms. The element creates a spark that ignites a fire that won’t go out anytime soon.

Let’s talk about defining moments. First, the year of the Rat begins a new twelve-year cycle spanning January 25, 2020, to February 11, 2021. The Cancer-Capricorn eclipse pattern is another benchmark this year. Two are key: the January 10 lunar eclipse in Cancer and the June 20 solar eclipse in Cancer. Everything, including the new Chinese cycle, focuses on positivity, expansive thinking, and outside-the-box energy.

You are a bold and confident Snake this year, leaving what may be a comfort zone and ready to embrace unknown destinations. Not to worry. You’re accompanied by your keen perception. Make friends with it, because it only gets better when you’re in touch with what is going on around you, and there will be lots of activity going on around you. Remain coiled to strike, for there will also be opportunities.

Harness your excess energy to take advantage of golden opportunities in the Year of the Metal Rat.

I don’t know why but I have a soft spot for the Chinese zodiac, I think it might have something to do with it describing people born in the Year of the Snake as charming, gregarious, introverted, generous, and smart, which modesty forbids from confirming this as an accurate description of my character. Although I will admit that being both gregarious and introverted does have its drawbacks.

But again this can apply to many millions of people so is really open to interpretation, it seems to be advocating mindfulness and a degree of introspection but again this could apply to anyone, but oh well here’s The Year Of The Metal Rat.

2020 Horoscope

I don’t usually have much truck with star signs and what not, but a part from being a nice filler blog post at a time of year when I don’t really feel inclined to do much, it also gives me some sort of benchmark to work from (or to?). So here’s what those long dead balls of celestial gas had to say about my future:

Cancer (NB: Star Sign, not prediction)

Make yourself a top priority this year.

Your sign is linked with your roller coaster emotions, so it makes sense that your ruler is the emotional moon. Paying close attention to the moon’s movements will help you understand your moodiness a little better this year, starting with a full moon/lunar eclipse in your sign in the middle of January. You may feel lasting effects of this lunation as it is closely tied to family relationships, especially parent-child. Reunions and healing can take place now but be careful not to fall back into the same old unhealthy dynamics you’ve been trying to escape once the happiness subsides.

A new moon/solar eclipse in your sign at the end of June coincides with the start of your birthday month, giving you a chance to reboot and begin again (especially in areas that concern your priorities and the people who have come and gone from your life in the past year). This is a chance to figure out what’s been missing and what’s okay to let go of. Anything that’s outlived its use can be discarded now, Cancer. Let it go gently, but surely

The sun in your sign at the end of June until end of July is the perfect time to practice self-care and to protect your loved ones. You know that taking care of yourself is closely linked to your ability to take care of others, so if you haven’t been in a good position to do things for yourself, your familial bonds might be suffering as well. Take a spa day or weekend to recharge. Happy birthday caring, giving Cancer!

Now I hear you say that this is pretty vague, and you’d be right because it is horribly vague, I guess trying to interpret your future sounds a bit more impressive with the backing of some sort of cosmic celestial body as a witness.

What it really boils down to is how you interpret it, I mean what I’m getting from this is apparently I need to work on some family relationships, be less moody and that I need to take better care of myself, all of which could be true, in fact probably is true, but that being said it could be just as true for any of the other half a billion people with the same star sign as me. That being said I see no reason why I shouldn’t try being less moody and certainly see no reason why I shouldn’t try and take better care of my self. But I’m doing it because it makes sense to do it, not because some long dead clusters of burning gas that frankly look absolutely nothing like a crab, even when squiffy and squinting, told me to do so.

Happy New Year 2020

I cant believe I’ve lived to see 2020.  I’m back with a vengeance baby. I’ve taken some time away from the blog to deal with my hectic civic schedule, but this year I mean to get back into blogging in a big way. My resolutions for the year are to blog more, and blog better, read at least two books a week, and go to at least six concerts.

So Happy New Year to you all, and let the roaring 20’s commence.

My Favourite Live Albums

Until about 5 minutes before writing this I had no idea that it was #NationalAlbumDay however since I found out that metallica were doing a S & M 2 a few days ago, it got me thinking about what some of my favourite live albums were. So as I’ve done several posts along that sort of theme in the past. (as it turns out, yes I have, read 5 Favourite Albums here and the 20 albums that will grace my vinyl collection as soon as I get one here) So in order to put a new spin on an old classic (not a music related pun…I think) here is a list of my favourite live albums. 

 

Metallica: S & M

What I love about this album is that it adds another layer of richness to songs that I already loved the addition of the San Francisco Orchestra opened my mind to a whole new concept of blending classical orchestral sounds with metal, and this proved to have a big influence on my musical taste in years to come.

Iron Maiden: Rock In Rio

This was probably the first live album that I ever owned and I still own the DVD of this concert to date, and hearing the energy that Iron Maiden poured into the set list, it made even songs that I wasn’t that fond of kick ass.  

Rush: All the Worlds A Stage 

This was my first introduction to Rush, someone mentioned them to me, and I found this live album tucked away amongst my parents CD collection, so I gave it a go. And was blown away. I especially love that the whole A Side from the 2112 album is included on the set list, as this would later go on to become my favourite Rush album.

Pink Floyd: Is There Anybody Out There

Pink Floyd, to this day, remain one of my favourite bands, but I always find that listening to them in a darkened room really helps you visualise the music, and with this album you can really picture the elaborate sets that mark out twisted mindset behind Roger Waters The Wall.

The Rat Pack: Live and Dangerous 

Frank, Deano and Sammy, on stage, having a laugh and a drink doing what they do best. listening to the album you would be excused from thinking that it was just a recording of a lads night out at a Karaoke bar, just from the sheer amount of banter and laughs going on between, and lets face it during, the songs.

Eric Clapton: Unpluuged

I like a lot of songs by Clapton, whether that’s on his own, as Derek and The Domino’s, Cream…Whatever, but stripped back to the bone, you can really see the blues roots of Clapton and the influence that early blues must have had on the man.

Ozzy Osbourne: Tribute 

 After the untimely death of guitarist Randy Rhodes, Ozzy Osbourne released these live recordings that really show Rhodes at his finest as a guitar player, the way he takes Osbourne’s songs and makes them heavier and faster really show that he was a live musician and was often rounded down on those early Ozzy Tracks. 

Nightwish: End of an Era 

One of the main reasons I liked Nightwish was the soprano tones of Tarja Turunen it worked so well with that sort of metal and together they produced some great albums, and then Tarja was fired from the band, on stage, right after recording this album, as a huge fan I was gutted and the band have gotten pretty shit since she left, not that I’ve thought that much of her solo stuff either, but the concert was a great one, and it makes me sad that I’ll probably never get to see that combo live.

Redecorating The Study, Rebranding The Man Cave

One of my big projects for this year has been the redecoration of the man cave which I’m looking to rebrand as the study. Why the rebrand you ask? Well I don’t know why but lately I’ve began to feel as though the term man cave is a little childish, it reeks of someone who hasn’t outgrown the frat house and is a bit reminiscent of a child’s play room, at least in connotation.

It was a much bigger task than I originally envisioned, to begin with I thought I would just put a lick of paint on the walls, get some new chairs and then maybe tart up the bookcases a bit. Whilst I did all of these things it all involved a lot more work than I ever imagined.

Firstly lets have a look at the before pictures:

As you can see some pretty basic billy bookcases from Ikea, pretty uninspired, just literally there to hold books, and a few nick knacks. But basically lacking in an real flair, and as for the rest of the room, there was hideous brown carpet, and an even more hideous and somehow more brown lamp shade, and four years and a few different sofa’s later I was sick of the sight of the room. So this was one of the goals that I had for the year was to redecorate it in a style that truly reflected my personality and the things I like.

It may not surprise anyone who knows me, but I drew a lot of inspiration for the new study from Downton Abbey, and the gentlemen’s clubs of the 1920’s  the red, gold and white colour scheme was taken from the Octagon Drawing Room and the library at Basildon Park.

 

Octagon Drawing Room

Library

I also took a fair pinch of inspiration from the National Library of the Czech Republic in Prague.

Baroque library hall with ceiling artwork by Jan Hiebl, Clementinum, Prague, Czech Republic

In order to get the colour scheme I wanted I took a trip to B & Q and came out with 12 cans of Rustoleum Gold Spray Paint to take care of the book cases, the radiator and the panelling on the doors, I also got a can of white Dulex Gloss to do all the woodwork, skirting boards and to paint the coving on the ceiling. and last but not least I managed to paint the room with a single tin of B & Q’s own Fulham emulsion.  After getting all this painting done the bookcases still didn’t quite look the way that I had pictured so I used 12 rolls of D-C-Fix’s self adhesive vinyl to coat (both sides) of each individual shelf on 8 bookcases (thats 72 shelves top and bottom, coated with fiddly sticky vinyl). Once the painting and vinyl was done and my back had recovered from sitting on the floor applying all that vinyl, it was time to star with the soft furnishings.

Red, White and Gold Paint Work

Red Vinly….ON. EVERY. SHELF.

I Went straight to Ebay to buy 2 oxblood wing back fire side chairs, in the style of a gentlemen’s club, and globe shaped drinks trolley of the kind that I’ve always wanted. This was complimented by not one but two rugs as I didn’t want the hassle of recarpeting completely and couldn’t decide which one to go for.

This was all complimented by a few other little touches like mouldings and hanging one of my prize possessions.

And then topped off with a new light shade, this is actually one of the things I paid no heed to at all until my wife said to me, “are you going to replace that light shade”, at which point I think I looked at the light shade for the first time ever and couldn’t unsee this hideous brown thing. So given that the my ceiling is far too low for the chandelier that I’ve always wanted, and having been hit in the head with a chandelier before (during a production of the phantom of the opera no less), so this is why I settled for something red and vintage looking from B and M bargains.

Its pretty much done now, I have a few other minor things to do to the place, like fitting some Venetian blinds, some new door handles and a light switch, maybe getting some drawers fitted on the bookcases and a frame for that picture of me and Marianna. The other slightly more ambitious thing that I may try at a later date is fixing a false front onto the shelf being used for glasses, made to look like a bookcase full of books.

The Glasses and Bar Ware Shelf

Of course the other thing that the room is apparently missing is an ornate ceiling fresco, this was made apparent to me this afternoon, when finding pictures of Basildon Park and the National Museum in Prague, Marianna asked why doesn’t my man cave (she hasn’t gotten into the habit of calling the room a study), why doesn’t my man cave have a pretty picture on the ceiling, so apparently now I have to commission a renaissance painter to put something up there. Anyone have Michelangelo’s mobile number?

Class Vs Race, As Examined Through Fantasy

This week I finished a trilogy of fantasy novels, and one of the things I was trying to work out, Was the writer English or American? Spelling wasn’t an issue, as the book had obviously been edited for the British Market, but what tipped the balance for me was that more than one of the main characters was elevated from peasantry to lordship instantly, but there wasn’t really any class struggle to go with this elevation. No plotting lord talking about commoners getting above their station etc.

But one of the differences between the US and the UK is that class discrimination isn’t really an issue in the US, that a lot of social barriers stem from race, and the roots that discrimination had coming from slavery.  And that theme was present in the books I read this week, the brutality of slavery and persecution because of race (in this case from a prisoner of war aspect) was gone into in detail, while any issue of class struggle was, whilst not ignored, was certainly not as much of an issue as it should have been.

I think in terms of issue, racism is less of a problem in the UK (not to say it doesn’t exist) but, but we tend to look more at class, working class, middle class, aristocracy and so forth. Black and Minority Ethnic groups have become parts of most classes, and are generally accepted, but trying to cross that class gap is a different matter entirely.  I say this as a lower class, heterosexual, white, relatively able bodied, male, but it remind me of a joke by a Black comedian whose name eludes me at the moment, but he said “In England, they don’t have racism, no, they’ve got a class system, so that way they can be racist to white people too.” and I honestly think that sums up the class system almost perfectly, and this aspect is something I find is missing from a lot of American fantasy, whether its the Riftwar saga that I read this week, or A song of Ice and Fire, where the liberation of slavery is a key element across the series, tackling the idea’s behind racism, but aside from a few phrases like up jumped sell sword the idea of class is left behind (although I notice it has been made more prominent in the TV series).

But going the other way if you look at some of the British and Australian works of fiction, but race won’t be a big deal, looking at the works of Trudi Canavan like the Black Magician series, on of the key themes throughout is class struggle, but the issues of race hardly come up at all, to the point where even slavery is shrugged off. (Although one unique fantasy theme in the Black Magician Series is the theme of homophobia, which is something I’ve never really seen addressed in a fantasy series).

Of Course British Authors do attempt to look at the race aspect, but in the case of JK Rowling and the Harry Potter books, what you see here is a sort of blending of both class and race, establishing Wizards and Witches as the upper classes, and then other races as being below them, and quickly establishes this as a negative, the series could be seen as a study in the combating of oppression and discrimination, in the series, you see the elitist attitude of the older established wizarding families, like the blacks and the Malfoy’s representing the class aspect (probably a little bit influenced by Ms Rowling’s time on benefits), but then you see the brutish violent aspect of the Death Eaters (forming posses to attack those who’re different while wearing pointy hoods, come on JK that’s a little on the nose don’t you think?)

And who is to say which is the more important to focus on,  as both are real issues for those that have faced them, but I just find it interesting how the issues that surround the author in their real lives has an influence on how they write.

Happy Martini Day: A Guide To Martini Variants

Today just so happens to be Martini Day, And I was going to write a piece about how to make the perfect Martini but it turns out that I’ve already done  that…. Twice (see the previous posts here and here )

Judging from the previous posts you now know that I know how to make the perfect Martini, So here is a look at some of the variants that can put a spin on your classic cocktail.

Vodka Martini

What annoys me most about the vodka Martini is that most people think that this is a proper Martini, yes it is probably the most iconic version of the drink owing to a certain fussy spy making it his trademark. So what you need for this abomination is:

3 25ml shots of a decent Vodka

1 25ml shot of dry vermouth

1 lemon slice

And to make said abomination, all you do is slosh your vodka and vermouth into a cocktail shaker full of ice, shake if you’re a pussy who wants watered down booze, or stir gently if you’re a real man, then strain it into a cocktail glass and add your lemon slice, and then wonder why you ever thought James Bond a man of taste.

Coffee Martini 

I was asked to make this at a cocktail  function a few weeks ago and have since perfected it, or some I’m told, hating the taste of coffee, I wouldn’t actually know if this was good or bad, so you’ll have to try it and see. You’ll need:

1 mug of black coffee (allow it to go cold)

2 shots of any old vodka

1 shot of Tia Maria (or any other coffee liqueur)

Its pretty simple to make really, shake it all over ice and strain into a cocktail glass its simply a cold Russian Coffee but it does the job, people seem to think its nice, to turn this into an espresso Martini, all you need to do is switch out the coffee for an espresso pod and shake well.

Appletini

If you are completely secure in your masculinity and feel the need to make an Appletini for yourself, or have cause to make one for some one else, all you need are: 

4 25ml shots of vodka

2 25ml shots of Apple Schnapps

1 Apple slice

If you can avoid making fun of the recipient of this drink for long enough to make it, again all you need to take this to a cocktail shaker filled with ice and shake, you could stir, but no one ordering one of these things can handle alcohol that hasn’t been watered down, so shake away and strain it into a martini glass, then garnish with the apple slice, and then shake your head in sadness at the knowledge that someone actually asked for this drink.

Passion Fruit/Porn star Martini 

I don’t know why these have become so popular of late, but every cocktail bar I go to they seem to be on the menu, so if you’re going to attempt to make one here’s what you’ll need

2 ripe passion fruits halved

4 25 ml shots of vanilla vodka

3 25ml shots of Passoa

1 tablespoon of lime juice and

1 tablespoon of brownsugar

1 teaspoon edible glitter

250 ml of sparkling wine (use Prosecco or Cava or Asti Spumante, don’t go wasting good champagne on something like this)

 

Making it is a bit of a buggerance however so listen carefully what you need to do first is scoop the seeds from one of the passion fruits into the glass of a cocktail shaker, then add the vodka, passoa, lime juice, glitter and sugar. Add a load of ice and shake well, strain into martini glasses, and then top up the bugger with some prosecco or whatever sparkling wine you have to hand and then finish it off by adding half a passion fruit to each.