This week certainly isn’t going to be a boaring week for political news. Now a lot of us can say that we’ve slept with a few pigs in our day…turns out for the Prime Minister this is literally the case. In a shocking claim, made by Lord Ashcroft, whilst at university David Cameron stuck his penis inside a pig.
Let that marinate for a moment, the Prime Minister has put his sausage in a pig.
Now putting aside jokes about pulled pork, or if the pig in question was spit roasted… how can anyone survive this sort of revelation? Will there be some sort of ham-fisted smear campaign to throw doubt on the evidence? Will Mr Cameron’s press team just claim that Lord Ashcroft’s allegations are a load of pork pies? What sort of narrative will the Conservative Party try to scratch out?
Although if you’ll pardon the expression the Labour Party must be as happy as a pig in sh*t, in a week where the new Labour leader has had to swallow a giant helping of pig shit, in what could only be described as a baptism of shite, Jeremy Corbyn has been handed a slice of fried gold in the form of the thousand and one one liners which should make PMQs a barrel of laughs for all on the opposition benches.
The internet has been quick to react with the #piggate already trending on social media, with commenters suggesting that Mr Cameron misheard the Tory Party creedo to screw the poor as screw the pork, whilst others offering this as a possible reason for recent split between long-term couple Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy.
Now even if Mr Cameron manages to grease his way out of this situation and it’s proved that Lord Ashcroft’s squeeling has all been a load of porkies in order to make a profit David Cameron will forever be the man who fucked pigs.
But looking at the positive side of things (although for pure comedy value there is now way in hell that you could look on this badly)the Conservative Party could use this as a springboard for new policies of inclusivity towards non-traditional sexually orientation. That would be one way of making a silk purse out of a sows ear.
…Talk about making a right pigs breakfast of things. Eh Dave?