2016 A Retrospective

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In hindsight 2016 has been a pretty awful year, filled with loss and depression and a constant sense that humanity can’t seem to sink any lower, and then being shocked when it does. I’ve spent a great deal of the year in pain or ill, but this has lead me to be able to spend a great deal of time with my daughter, and getting to watch her develop as a person is about the only thing that has kept me going throughout the year.

But that said there have been a few good things this year so without further noise here are The Man Down My Local awards for 2016

 

Best Film- Deadpool

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Best Comic- 2000 AD Prog 2000

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Best Book- Five on Brexit Island 

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Best Graphic Novel- All New X-Men- Ghosts of Cyclops

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Best Album – Metallica- Hardwired…To Self Destruct 

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Best TV Series- Legends of Tomorrowmv5bnzqymjg4mje5nf5bml5banbnxkftztgwmze5mtixmdi-_v1_uy1200_cr8506301200_al_

Lets hope 2017 gives us some good TV, films, music and comics.

 

The Lazy Ramblings of a Lazy Man (On Furnished Apartments)

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I was recently introduced to the Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Fellow by Jerome K Jerome. The book consists of 14 essays on 14 topics

  1. ON BEING IDLE.
  2. ON BEING IN LOVE.
  3. ON BEING IN THE BLUES.
  4. ON BEING HARD UP.
  5. ON VANITY AND VANITIES.
  6. ON GETTING ON IN THE WORLD.
  7. ON THE WEATHER.
  8. ON CATS AND DOGS.
  9. ON BEING SHY.
  10. ON BABIES.
  11. ON EATING AND DRINKING.
  12. ON FURNISHED APARTMENTS.
  13. ON DRESS AND DEPORTMENT.
  14. ON MEMORY.

Jerome K Jerome is pretty much me down to a tee. He’s lazy and just writes whatever comes to mind. He doesn’t care who he offends, and I often felt that he may have been somewhat high when he picked up the pen. But Mr Jerome has inspired me, so I am going to be writing a series of posts on the topics that Mr Jerome turned his hand at. (I know I’m ripping the guy off, but quite frankly I don’t care).

On Furnished Apartments 

No where I’ve ever lived has ever actually come furnished, except for the student house I lived in while at uni, and it got me thinking, are the days of furnished rental properties behind us. Most of my friends, those who don’t still live with their parents, are living in rental properties and very few of those came with furniture.

My current home came unfurnished, and because money has been tight, I seem to have come by three different sofas, none of which match, and because I’m a heterosexual male I can’t be dealing with things such as cushions and throws, so I just opt to say that its eclectic.

My decorating is just a simple keep everything white. White walls, white Ikea bookcases, white coffee tables all on laminate flooring surrounding the “eclectic” sofa’s and the reclining arm chair that doesn’t actually recline. At least over time its starting to look like a home, and less like a student house, although I’m fairly certain the sofa in my “man cave” has the exact same cover as the sofa in that shared student house.

This is the twelfth in a series of posts ripping off the work of Mr Jerome K Jerome and his seminal piece The Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Man.

The Lazy Ramblings of a Lazy Man (On Eating and Drinking)

The Man Down My Local (13).png

I was recently introduced to the Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Fellow by Jerome K Jerome. The book consists of 14 essays on 14 topics

  1. ON BEING IDLE.
  2. ON BEING IN LOVE.
  3. ON BEING IN THE BLUES.
  4. ON BEING HARD UP.
  5. ON VANITY AND VANITIES.
  6. ON GETTING ON IN THE WORLD.
  7. ON THE WEATHER.
  8. ON CATS AND DOGS.
  9. ON BEING SHY.
  10. ON BABIES.
  11. ON EATING AND DRINKING.
  12. ON FURNISHED APARTMENTS.
  13. ON DRESS AND DEPORTMENT.
  14. ON MEMORY.

Jerome K Jerome is pretty much me down to a tee. He’s lazy and just writes whatever comes to mind. He doesn’t care who he offends, and I often felt that he may have been somewhat high when he picked up the pen. But Mr Jerome has inspired me, so I am going to be writing a series of posts on the topics that Mr Jerome turned his hand at. (I know I’m ripping the guy off, but quite frankly I don’t care).

On Eating And Drinking 

Over the last few days (it being the festive period) I have probably eaten my body weight in carbohydrates and saturated fats, I love to eat, especially at Christmas. The meats, the vegetables, the desserts, the wines and cheeses, the buffet spreads, all of it. I’m not really a fan of Christmas, but the food and the drink are what make it all worth while. Over the past two days I’ve indulged all my gluttonous appetites to the point where I can visibly see my gout throbbing and I have heart burn with an acid content so high it could eat through titanium.

But it isn’t just at Christmas, I am a bit of a foody the whole year round. I like to try new things, to this date the most exotic food I’ve ever tried is pickled baby octopus. Lately though this has fallen by the wayside, I’m travelling less and having a small child doesn’t really lend itself to dining out. However in my younger days I could recite the menus and wine lists from most restaurants in  south east Wales, and it was all borne from a love of food and drink.

Not only do I like to eat, but I also like to cook, I spent the most part of Christmas day in the kitchen, not only did I cook the whole damn meal, I also ended up doing the washing up as well. I like to cook, lots of little fiddly things that look impressive, as well other meals which adhere to the 4 main food groups, salt, fat, grease and burnt crunchy bits.  However I’ve never been one of those people who have to take a photo of their food and share it with the world, if I cook a nice meal I’ll enjoy it while its still hot, not arse around with instagram filters while the degrees slip away and all your left with is a bowl of cold mush, in the hopes of getting 6 likes on social media.

Then we come to the worst possible human beings around. Those people who pour salt or ketchup on everything, without even tasting it first. I am one of those people who rarely puts salt on food, and I do think it is incredibly rude when someone cooks you a meal, and then you don’t even try it, you just pour salt on, not only is that rude, but down right insulting. Sure saltiness is a personal thing and I don’t mind to much when someone covers their meal in the stuff, but only when you have had the good manners to try it first, and the same goes with ketchup.

 

This is the eleventh in a series of posts ripping off the work of Mr Jerome K Jerome and his seminal piece The Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Man.

The Lazy Ramblings Of A Lazy Man (On Babies)

The Man Down My Local (11).png

I was recently introduced to the Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Fellow by Jerome K Jerome. The book consists of 14 essays on 14 topics

  1. ON BEING IDLE.
  2. ON BEING IN LOVE.
  3. ON BEING IN THE BLUES.
  4. ON BEING HARD UP.
  5. ON VANITY AND VANITIES.
  6. ON GETTING ON IN THE WORLD.
  7. ON THE WEATHER.
  8. ON CATS AND DOGS.
  9. ON BEING SHY.
  10. ON BABIES.
  11. ON EATING AND DRINKING.
  12. ON FURNISHED APARTMENTS.
  13. ON DRESS AND DEPORTMENT.
  14. ON MEMORY.

Jerome K Jerome is pretty much me down to a tee. He’s lazy and just writes whatever comes to mind. He doesn’t care who he offends, and I often felt that he may have been somewhat high when he picked up the pen. But Mr Jerome has inspired me, so I am going to be writing a series of posts on the topics that Mr Jerome turned his hand at. (I know I’m ripping the guy off, but quite frankly I don’t care).

On Babies

I have a child, she’s a baby, she’s cute as hell, but I tell you now, she has definitely put me off having more children, she’s loud and smelly, and given the amount that I find in her nappy, she seems to defy the laws of mass displacement.

Babies are hard work, they require constant attention, they require food, and clothing, before having a child if I wanted to wallow in my own filth without having a proper meal for a week, it wouldn’t matter (except maybe to those who had to smell me) but I can’t do that now, I have to make sure that a whole other person is fed and bathed and presented in a manner that doesn’t bring shame on my whole family.

Then there are other peoples babies, god I hate those little bastards, they’re loud, they smell, and you can’t give them a clip round the head, in fact come to think of it other peoples children are a really good argument for the extinction of the species as a whole. And then there’s the way that you have to coo over newborns whilst saying how much like one of their parents the thing looks like, when in fact they look like a slightly red faced pug, all squashed up from nine months with their face buried in a placenta. And lord help you if you can’t tell the gender, if you refer to a newborn as it, you will undoubtedly feel the wrath of both parents descend upon you like the locusts descended upon the upper kingdom. On top of all this people seem fascinated by new babies, in spite of the fact that they don’t really do anything.

The other thing I’ve noticed since having a child, is that there really are a large number of really ugly babies out there, a huge amount. I’m no oil painting (maybe the kind painted by Edvard Munch or Hieronymus Bosch), but seriously.

This is the tenth in a series of posts ripping off the work of Mr Jerome K Jerome and his seminal piece The Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Man.

The Lazy Ramblings Of A Lazy Man (On Being Shy)

The Man Down My Local (10).pngI was recently introduced to the Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Fellow by Jerome K Jerome. The book consists of 14 essays on 14 topics

  1. ON BEING IDLE.
  2. ON BEING IN LOVE.
  3. ON BEING IN THE BLUES.
  4. ON BEING HARD UP.
  5. ON VANITY AND VANITIES.
  6. ON GETTING ON IN THE WORLD.
  7. ON THE WEATHER.
  8. ON CATS AND DOGS.
  9. ON BEING SHY.
  10. ON BABIES.
  11. ON EATING AND DRINKING.
  12. ON FURNISHED APARTMENTS.
  13. ON DRESS AND DEPORTMENT.
  14. ON MEMORY.

Jerome K Jerome is pretty much me down to a tee. He’s lazy and just writes whatever comes to mind. He doesn’t care who he offends, and I often felt that he may have been somewhat high when he picked up the pen. But Mr Jerome has inspired me, so I am going to be writing a series of posts on the topics that Mr Jerome turned his hand at. (I know I’m ripping the guy off, but quite frankly I don’t care).

On Being Shy

You wouldn’t think it to look at me now, but I haven’t always been the confident, handsome, outgoing person that I am now. I used to be a fat, spotty teenager with the confidence of a flaccid willy. I couldn’t even look a girl in the eye, let alone talk to one above some pathetic mumble.

Confidence is something I’ve had to work on throughout my life, to the point where I can now address a well lit room full of hundreds of people without even breaking a sweat. I’m told I even manage make it look easy. However small talk and meeting new people is something I really suck at, I mean, I never know what to say in these awkward social situations, its something that really has been apparent over the last few months, due to the increase in civic duties, it means a lot of talking to old people whilst trying not to be offensive.

usually at those sort of events I just stick to neutral topics live the weather or whatever it is the event is in aide of, “x does such great work”, “we really need to do more for y”, that sort of thing. It does get a little tedious, but it is definitely better than talking about anything controversial, especially with old people.

This is the ninth in series of posts ripping off the work of Mr Jerome K Jerome and his seminal piece The Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Man.

The Lazy Ramblings Of A Lazy Man (On Cats & Dogs)

The Man Down My Local (9).pngI was recently introduced to the Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Fellow by Jerome K Jerome. The book consists of 14 essays on 14 topics

  1. ON BEING IDLE.
  2. ON BEING IN LOVE.
  3. ON BEING IN THE BLUES.
  4. ON BEING HARD UP.
  5. ON VANITY AND VANITIES.
  6. ON GETTING ON IN THE WORLD.
  7. ON THE WEATHER.
  8. ON CATS AND DOGS.
  9. ON BEING SHY.
  10. ON BABIES.
  11. ON EATING AND DRINKING.
  12. ON FURNISHED APARTMENTS.
  13. ON DRESS AND DEPORTMENT.
  14. ON MEMORY.

Jerome K Jerome is pretty much me down to a tee. He’s lazy and just writes whatever comes to mind. He doesn’t care who he offends, and I often felt that he may have been somewhat high when he picked up the pen. But Mr Jerome has inspired me, so I am going to be writing a series of posts on the topics that Mr Jerome turned his hand at. (I know I’m ripping the guy off, but quite frankly I don’t care)

On Cats And Dogs

Right off the bat I’m going to say that I really am not an animal person, I don’t like dogs and I don’t like cats, I’m not really a fan of pretty much any form of indoor, domesticated animal. I’m actually allergic to dogs as it goes, so at least in this instance I feel justified in my dislike.

Dogs smell, they slobber, they shed hair all over the place, they’re easily excited, they require exercise. people say that they give you unconditional love, but surely this feels like settling, I mean I would quite happily die alone if it meant not having to pick up someones excrement, its bad enough having to wipe my own child’s backside, but I know she at least will grow out of it, and the changing the nappies bit is really more of quid pro quo situation if I make it to old age. I don’t know what it is about dogs that I dislike so much, yes the aforementioned does little to warm them to my sensibilities, nor does my throat closing when I’m near then, but there is something more, and I just cant quiet put my finger on it.

Cats on the other hand, well, the thing about cats that you have to remember is that, they used to be worshiped as gods, and they’ve never forgotten this. They have that sense of self entitlement that comes from having been worshiped. On the face of it cats have the perfect life, and this is probably why I dislike them so much. They get exactly what they want, food, warmth, shelter, entertainment, and can get it, with no show of gratitude, just some sort of nonchalance that would make even the most downright cad, say ‘steady on a bit old chap’. The shedding, the hairballs, the scratching and the trying to trip you up at the top of the stairs doesn’t help either.

 

This is the eighth in series of posts ripping off the work of Mr Jerome K Jerome and his seminal piece The Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Man.