It’s All Shit


I woke up yesterday with a  splitting headache, could it have been the over 20 alcoholic beverages I had drank the night before? Perhaps. However I put it down to the music the young people listen to these days.

I spent yesterday on the sofa moving as little as possible, trying to watch films, I was going by year and there were very few films made in the last 5 years that I like. Then it hit me that I had become one of those old men that hated everything new. I mean I had become one of those two old men from the muppet show, sniping at everything, saying things weren’t half bad, they were all bad.

So now that I’m old here are 5 things that I believe to be utter shite.

  1. Veganism: It’s just a fast track to scurvy, I recently saw a book titled vegan desserts, and the first thing that went through my mind was the line from the Pink Floyd song, Another Brick In The Wall, “how can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat?”
  2. Christmas: Both the religious aspect, but also having to give gifts that nobody wants to people you don’t like, while pretending were also happy and close.
  3. Other peoples children: hear me out, I like my own child, but other peoples not so much, you can’t tell them off when they run riot, they’re sticky, they’re loud and they’re massively obnoxious, and you darn’t say any of this to their parents for risk of alienating them.
  4. Dogs: I don’t like dogs for much the same reason as I don’t like children, they smell and they’re messy. they’re loud and they actually make me physically sick. Yes I am allergic to dogs. But again its one of those things you cant say. There’s no ban for dogs on public transport, even though being around them is very uncomfortable for me, it actually feels like my throat is closing when I’m around certain types of dogs, but you would never get a designated dog carriage on a train. Because that might offend someone, and intellectually I do realise that it may seem a little like segregating people who use service dogs, but provisions are made for other ailments and disabilities, so why not mine? Also don’t get me started on dog crap.
  5.  Being old: I hate being stuck in my ways and closed off to new things, I hate having to get up 6 times in the night to pee, I would give a thousand pound to be able to get out of a chair without groaning.

But when it comes down to it, its all pretty shit, same shit different day, different shit, different day.


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