Its a little after two in the morning, and I’m wide awake, partly because of the nap I had on the sofa earlier, but mostly because of the existential dread that tends to hit you in the wee hours of the morning.
The topic keeping me awake tonight is whether or not I’m a good parent. I think it has to do with Christmas being less than a week away. My parents spoilt my siblings and I rotten at Christmas timee, my mother would spend thousands on presents and food and parties, going above and beyond to make Christmas special. So that being said the fact that the entirety of Marianna’s Christmas gifts amount to two presents worth less than £50, this coupled with the ingrained feeling that if there aren’t mountains of presents you are a terrible person. this having been portrayed through years of advertising and Christmas films (aka subtle advertising) have left me feeling like a shitty parent.
Intellectually I know that a near two year old won’t care, or even remember, but it doesn’t make me feel any better, and I know I shouldn’t, but over the coming week, I probably am going to spend a fortune that I don’t have on useless crap that she doesn’t need, want or care about, just to assuage the consumer driven guilt that is keeping me up at 2 in the morning.
Ah Christmas eh? It certainly is the most wonderful time of the year.
Update: as of three o’clock this afternoon Marianna has at least half a dozen more things to open Christmas day and I’m only out £15