The Lazy Ramblings Of A Lazy Man (On The Weather)

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I was recently introduced to the Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Fellow by Jerome K Jerome. The book consists of 14 essays on 14 topics

  1. ON BEING IDLE.
  2. ON BEING IN LOVE.
  3. ON BEING IN THE BLUES.
  4. ON BEING HARD UP.
  5. ON VANITY AND VANITIES.
  6. ON GETTING ON IN THE WORLD.
  7. ON THE WEATHER.
  8. ON CATS AND DOGS.
  9. ON BEING SHY.
  10. ON BABIES.
  11. ON EATING AND DRINKING.
  12. ON FURNISHED APARTMENTS.
  13. ON DRESS AND DEPORTMENT.
  14. ON MEMORY.

Jerome K Jerome is pretty much me down to a tee. He’s lazy and just writes whatever comes to mind. He doesn’t care who he offends, and I often felt that he may have been somewhat high when he picked up the pen. But Mr Jerome has inspired me, so I am going to be writing a series of posts on the topics that Mr Jerome turned his hand at. (I know I’m ripping the guy off, but quite frankly I don’t care)

On The Weather

Its rather cold outside today, I suppose it is that time of year for it. I dislike the cold, however being ginger it isn’t as if I’m geared towards the heat or towards sunshine either for that matter, but the thing about the cold is that it just works its way into the bones, it aggravates my gout, it incubates germs that lead to the dreaded cold, which if left unchecked can become a full blown case of terminal man flu.

There are some upsides to the cold. You’re more likely to get a seat on the bus as old people don’t feel like braving it. Places tend to look cleaner when covered in frost or snow, if only due to the way it covers the detritus that humanity leaves in its wake. But for an island nation Britain seems to stop working if it snows, people are afraid to leave their homes and so horde what supplies such as bread, milk and most importantly toilet paper. You would think that there would be some sort of snow etiquette, because after all it does snow in Britain most years. But no, people don’t just want to camp in their homes with as much bread and lav roll as possible.

Sunshine is even worse though, especially when it lasts weeks at a time, at least with cold you can take to your bed and escape it, but the heat is inescapable, the months of June, July and August, seem to me be like something Dante would have described in the Divine Comedy, hot as hell and nowhere near as pleasant, because at least Dante never made mention of mosquito’s or the noise that fans make as they drone on and only just managing to move the hot air about, rather than actually cool it.

And then there is rain, it helps the plants grow and keeps the streets clean, but other than that the only upside is that occasionally you’ll see someone get splashed when a passing car goes through a massive puddle, and that just says more about me than it does about the weather. For an island where it does rain for eight months of the year, you would think that people would get used to it, but the merest droplet of water from the sky suddenly induces selective amnesia in a great number of people, when it comes to the fundamentals of driving in the minds of motorists everywhere, they don’t seem to realise that they should perhaps go a little bit slower on the wet roads, or also that they should indicate, or that it whilst it may be 2 in the afternoon headlights should still be on when visibility is poor.

It seems though that no matter the season there is something to complain about, whether it be the cold and wet, or sticking to ones sofa on a hot day, whatever the weather there is going to be something to complain about, but I do believe that that is the nations past time, complaining about the weather, well that and queuing.

 

This is the seventh in series of posts ripping off the work of Mr Jerome K Jerome and his seminal piece The Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Man.

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