The Lazy Ramblings Of A Lazy Man (On Cats & Dogs)

The Man Down My Local (9).pngI was recently introduced to the Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Fellow by Jerome K Jerome. The book consists of 14 essays on 14 topics

  1. ON BEING IDLE.
  2. ON BEING IN LOVE.
  3. ON BEING IN THE BLUES.
  4. ON BEING HARD UP.
  5. ON VANITY AND VANITIES.
  6. ON GETTING ON IN THE WORLD.
  7. ON THE WEATHER.
  8. ON CATS AND DOGS.
  9. ON BEING SHY.
  10. ON BABIES.
  11. ON EATING AND DRINKING.
  12. ON FURNISHED APARTMENTS.
  13. ON DRESS AND DEPORTMENT.
  14. ON MEMORY.

Jerome K Jerome is pretty much me down to a tee. He’s lazy and just writes whatever comes to mind. He doesn’t care who he offends, and I often felt that he may have been somewhat high when he picked up the pen. But Mr Jerome has inspired me, so I am going to be writing a series of posts on the topics that Mr Jerome turned his hand at. (I know I’m ripping the guy off, but quite frankly I don’t care)

On Cats And Dogs

Right off the bat I’m going to say that I really am not an animal person, I don’t like dogs and I don’t like cats, I’m not really a fan of pretty much any form of indoor, domesticated animal. I’m actually allergic to dogs as it goes, so at least in this instance I feel justified in my dislike.

Dogs smell, they slobber, they shed hair all over the place, they’re easily excited, they require exercise. people say that they give you unconditional love, but surely this feels like settling, I mean I would quite happily die alone if it meant not having to pick up someones excrement, its bad enough having to wipe my own child’s backside, but I know she at least will grow out of it, and the changing the nappies bit is really more of quid pro quo situation if I make it to old age. I don’t know what it is about dogs that I dislike so much, yes the aforementioned does little to warm them to my sensibilities, nor does my throat closing when I’m near then, but there is something more, and I just cant quiet put my finger on it.

Cats on the other hand, well, the thing about cats that you have to remember is that, they used to be worshiped as gods, and they’ve never forgotten this. They have that sense of self entitlement that comes from having been worshiped. On the face of it cats have the perfect life, and this is probably why I dislike them so much. They get exactly what they want, food, warmth, shelter, entertainment, and can get it, with no show of gratitude, just some sort of nonchalance that would make even the most downright cad, say ‘steady on a bit old chap’. The shedding, the hairballs, the scratching and the trying to trip you up at the top of the stairs doesn’t help either.

 

This is the eighth in series of posts ripping off the work of Mr Jerome K Jerome and his seminal piece The Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Man.

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