Wipeout, Silver Surfers Indeed.

I don’t know how many of you out there are active in community groups, but I am in one or two, and they a hot bed of old people. Now in one of those groups that I am active in, I am the groups secretary, and this basically means I’m in charge of taking minuets, organising meetings and emailing the members to let them know where, when, etc. But there’s the rub, anyone dealing with old people will know that many are not on email, because, and I quote, “[they] can’t wrap their head around this new fangled technology”.

This got me thinking though, email has actually been about in some form or another since the 1960’s. Web hosted mail, like AOL, Hotmail, Gmail etc, has been in use since the late 1990’s so the technology isn’t really new. So why can’t old people learn to F*%#ing use it?

I mean you don’t hear me saying that I can’t use an amazon echo because its new do you, I learn, surely retirement is a time to learn new things?

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Exploding Dinosaur Carcasses (A Thought For The Day)

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I just saw a facebook post, wherein the poster, was complaining about the price of petrol. Petrol prices seem to do nothing but increase, so its understandable that motorists around the world would be put out by increases in price. However when you actually think about what it is your buying, you may realise that your actually paying a pretty good price.

What your actually buying are the exploding carcasses of dinosaur’s that have been liquidised by time and pressure. That’s right, I said exploding dinosaur remains. So when you think that by filling up your car you are in fact actually trafficking (pun absolutely intended) in the remains of an extinct creature.  So think on that when you decide to drive that hundred yards for a loaf of bread. Think about those millions of creatures that gave their lives, over millions of years, just so you could drive your shit little Skoda.

I mean the clue is in the name, fossil fuels, but it doesn’t really get the picture across does it? I mean how would you feel, knowing that your mortal remains would be used so some lazy bugger can go on a beer run? I know how I would feel about it. This is why I think I would like to see more being done for hydrogen cars, or other forms renewable transport, I think we can all agree that there needs to be more investment into that sort of thing, if only because you’ll never get me on a bicycle.

Coming Out Of The Bat Closet (LGBTQ Themes In Batman)

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HOLY HOMOSEXUAL URGES BATMAN!!!!

Have you ever stopped to think how gay Batman is. There is a lot of subtext if you read between those thought bubbles. Lets look at it in stages.

  1. Batman/ Bruce Wayne’s relationship with women. As both Batman and Bruce Wayne, he seems incapable of maintaining a healthy long term relationship, such short term things seem fraught with tragedy, looking at his relationships with women as Batman such as Catwoman, Wonder Woman, or Talia Al Ghul, they all seem to be some sort of overcompensation. His relationships as Bruce Wayne however are quiet simply as a beard, they go a long way to setting up his persona as Bruce Wayne, millionaire playboy, whose to say heterosexual millionaire playboy isn’t also part of it.
  2. His relationship with Alfred: Alfred Pennyworth, Bruce Wayne’s butler and one time legal guardian and full time enabler. Alfred took on the role of father to Bruce Wayne after Bruce’s parents were murdered. Instead of getting little Bruce some serious grief counselling and psychiatric care he let him drop out of school to pursue his career as scourge of the underworld. Their relationship is more complex than just that however. Alfred genuinely does love Bruce like a son, however Bruce’s feelings are somewhat different, he begins to project on Alfred during his teenage years, and because he can’t act on these feeling internalises them and it feeds his depression and anguish, not to mention giving him cause to focus on ending crime on Gotham.
  3. Batman’s relation ship with Robin: Anyone who has ever seen the Adam West/ Burt Ward depictions  of Batman and Robin will have no illusions that they are a gay couple. The whole relationship is odd on the face of it. Now single men can make great parents, (dad’s can do it too etc) but it does seem a little strange that a single man in his 20’s/30’s would adopt a teenage son, it may be cynical of me to think that anything untoward was taking place, but when the man doing the adopting forces the child out on to the streets in a pair of green briefs, alarm bells start to ring, and it isn’t because the joker is robbing a bank if you know what I mean.

Batman is one of those characters that will never be outed in mainstream comics continuity (why else would you have characters such as Midnighter if Batman was out), but there are a lot of themes within the comic books, the TV shows and films that are definitely a bit on the queer side.

Some Things

Over the past few weeks I’ve been told I should give a few things a try, some of them are:

  • Stand up comedy: I don’t really see it myself, but a lot of older people have been telling me that I should try it because I have a really dry sense of humour, however what most people don’t realise is, is that I’m not joking
  • Making my own wine: I tried it once and it was good and its something I keep meaning to go back to.
  • Video blogging: I don’t really  feel that I have the screen presence to pull off a video blog, I mean I’m no oil painting, unless we’re talking the kind painted by Hieronymus Bosch, and I don’t have the patience to script it out before hand.
  • Podcasting: This one I think may be a winner, as I have a face that was made for radio, and if radio three has taught us anything, is you don’t actually have to be interesting to broadcast.

So do you think I should try any of these?

The Science Of A Magic Carpet Ride

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Earlier today I watched Disney’s Aladdin while taking my daughter to visit my parents. What first struck me, was how racist and culturally insensitive parts of the film were. The second thing that struck me was how fantastic the late great Robin Williams was as the Genie. Then the third thing that struck me was that during the magic carpet ride Aladdin and Princess Jasmine started in the Middle East, fly through Greece (or a country sporting Grecian architecture) before ending their evening watching fireworks in China. Not only this but during the course of the magic carpet ride a couple of loop the loops are performed. How both parties don’t fall off is a little beyond me, but my main theory beyond it plainly being magic is that this is an example of centripetal force.  Centripetal force is a force that makes a body follow a curved path, a good example is lifting a coin into a cup without touching it.

How they got from the Middle East to Greece to China and back in one night is something that I am having trouble explaining. Most commercial jets will fly at about 550 miles per hour (210 miles per hour above the speed of sound)  now it would take about four hours to fly from Turkey to Greece one way, and given that Greece is in the opposite direction to china that’s eight hours of travel to begin with, then add on that the 10 hours that it would take to get from Turkey to China and that makes 28 hours of travel time at over 200 mph over the speed of sound, with no protection from the elements whatsoever. In order to do that journey in one night (12 hours at most) they would have had to fly at approximately 1500 mph or mach 2. Without protection, travelling at that speed would, undoubtedly, have caused sever internal injuries, or even death.

Another explanation is that Aladdin and Princess Jasmine were away for several days, which would also explain the negative reaction from the Sultans forces upon their arrival back in sunny Agrabah

Apathy For The Day

I don’t actually have anything that I want to blog about today. The news is bleak and I haven’t really done anything exciting, I went to the pub last night, and got pizza on the way home, this is really the high point of my week so far, and today I’m just full of all kinds of apathy. So not really having anything in mind when I started writing this post, beyond the desire to continue my streak of posting new content daily. But yeah, apathy. I look forward to next week when I have more on.

Although bright side, ebay has finally come up trumps and delivered an affordable smoking jacket which arrived today, between that and the cravats I got last week, I would be well in line for numerous best dressed awards, if only I had places to go, and best dressed awards were actually a thing.

Colouring In

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Today I didn’t really have much on, well I didn’t really have anything that I was actually going to do. So playing with Marianna earlier she began colouring in the Spider-Man colouring book that I, I mean Santa, got her for Christmas, after about ten minuets of colouring both in and out of the lines, Marianna handed me the book and said “Daddy do it” so I took the book, got out the felt pens and began colouring in Spider-Man.

Adult colouring books seem to be all the rage lately, apparently they aid in stress management, however I did not find this to be the case. Being dyspraxic, my coordination is awful, my handwriting is terrible, I can’t even hold a pen the right way, so as you can guess colouring in is a chore, but my little girl asked me to do it, and by god I wasn’t going to let her down.

So using some fineline felt tip pens and a lot of internalised cursing, here is the page that I did.

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As you can see, Marianna decided to help with the background, but overall I was pretty impressed with my efforts, (about an hours worth of effort if I’m honest), I’ve seen worse colouring jobs in actual published comics. However, I certainly don’t understand how people can actually do it to unwind, I actually feel a lot more wound up now I’ve finished than before I began. But it was a lovely way to spend an afternoon bonding with my little girl.

Thank You For Smoking

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At the moment I seem to have a sort of love hate relationship with smoking. I haven’t really smoked properly since my daughter was born. The last cigarette I had was after my brothers funeral about six weeks ago. Today however I found myself really, really craving a smoke, it isn’t often I get a craving for nicotine, but this afternoon I was ready to chop off a finger for a drag. I know, I know, they cause cancer, they cause emphysema and various other health complaints from raising the likelihood of a cold to lowering the chance of having children.

That being said however, there are many benefits to smoking that don’t always get a fair shake, I mean for the sake of impartiality, surely printed on the packet should be the words “may offset Parkinson’s disease” or “may cause you to look cooler”. Or now that smokers are subjected to pictures of black lungs, maybe they should also have a photo of the Courtney Love, because studies have shown that people associate smoking with being cool.

Other benefits of smoking mean approximately £12 Billion a year in taxation coming to the country a figure that certainly helps pay for the NHS (at last count the money brought in from tobacco revenues covers the cost of smoking related illnesses four times over). Not to mention all the money that tobacco companies give to charity and cancer research, as it really is in the cigarette companies best interests to find cures for things such as cancer, because callous as it may seem, for every life lost, they lose a customer.  The money that is brought in, does go to good use,  taxation on tobacco covers the downsides of the industry and then goes to help people, it pays for hospices care, for benefits, for pensions, for social security, for defence, for the police and for meals on wheels. Its what pays for our children’s schools and creates thousands of jobs. I suppose this is my way of justifying giving in to my occasional cravings, and probably smoking way more than is good for me when I’ve had a bit too much to drink.

And to the rest of you people with nicotine stained fingers and ever so blackened lungs I say thank you for smoking.

Congratulations Mr Trump

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I want to start by saying that I haven’t really ever been a fan of Donald Trump. That being said I want to offer to him my congratulations. In one day as President Of The United States of America Mr Trump has managed to do more in the fight on obesity than President Obama managed in eight years of office, by inspiring hundreds of thousands of men and women to take to the streets in protest, Mr Trump is directly responsible for hundreds of thousands of people, estimated at half a million in Washington alone, going out and getting some much needed exercise.

Not only this, Mr Trump is also directly responsible for getting more people from Black, Latina and other ethnic backgrounds involved in the political process, which is surely a good thing. Especially given that yesterdays marches were predominantly Women Against Trump marches, this shows that Mr Trump is already giving women a rallying point in the male dominated political elite, he’s giving them a voice, even if it is to just shout curses against him.

I think this post reflects how my mind works, its a dark place. Especially if I can put a positive spin on massive protest marches, but my moral flexibility would probably allow me to take a press job in the white house if one were going.