A Eulogy For My Trainers

So I can officially say that I’m a councillor now. This campaign has been an odd one. As I was standing unopposed I was helping out with other peoples campaigns for the most part. I’ve clocked up over 50 miles in walking distance and spoken to several hundred people on the door in an area I’m relatively new to. My dislike of dogs has been intensified, as has my sympathy for postal workers. I’ve completely disregarded my physical limitations and feel absolutely broken, but it was absolutely worth it because everyone I helped with their campaign has been elected, and my own sense of self importance has been inflated. And whilst I would have preferred to win against an opponent I am still immensely proud to serve the people of Northville.


All this campaigning has not been without hardship and the biggest casualty of all has been my knock off converse. I brought them for £7 on ebay and while at first they pinched, after making great strides we soon settled into a groove and managed to plod along comfortably together.
But after 2 months of solid life, working hard almost every day, they passed away from being worn out. You served me well old friends, you didn’t give me a blister, and you were tender with my gout, you didn’t exacerbate my ingrown toenail and most importantly, unlike most trainers, you didn’t look ridiculous with a suit.
Thank you trainers, may your replacements not rub my ankles.

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