5 Holidays That Are Better Than Camping

As its summertime a lot of my friends are going to festivals and going camping. I cannot think of anything worse, the idea of huddling under a damp canvas, sleeping on the ground in the middle of some field or some other secluded forest or mountain top is actually physically hideous to me. The thought of being forced to go camping is something that makes me physically cringe. So here are some ideas for holidays that a better than camping.

 

1. A River Cruise Down The Styx.

Yes that’s right I actually feel that going to hell would be more fun than going camping, because It would actually take precipitations causing to conditions to be able to ice skate on The River Styx for me to go camping.

2. Having My Testes Repeatedly Jumped On By An Overweight Elephant 

A giant grey weight stamping up and down on my bollocks, one by one, over and over and over and over for a long weekend. This sounds preferable to sleeping on a tarpaulin.

3. A Weekend of Bum Stuff Vlad The Impaler Style: 

impale-ogI would rather be impaled by my bottom on a jagged spike than spend any time being cooped up in a muddy hell hole with nothing by a piece of material between me and the elements and the mosquito swarms.

4. Disneyland: 

What could be worse than a miles and miles of vomit inducing nightmare stuffed with screaming kids , that you’ve had to pay through the nose to endure, the endless queuing and the sweltering heat, the $40 drinks and so many fat people, fat people everywhere and a bevvy of massively annoying mascots all around? Camping, that’s whats worse.

5. Auschwitz: 

I’m not talking about the interesting historic day out, I’m talking about the Auschwitz in its hey day of the roaring 40’s… that’s how much I detest the idea of going camping.