Happy Martini Day: A Guide To Martini Variants

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Today just so happens to be Martini Day, And I was going to write a piece about how to make the perfect Martini but it turns out that I’ve already done  that…. Twice (see the previous posts here and here )

Judging from the previous posts you now know that I know how to make the perfect Martini, So here is a look at some of the variants that can put a spin on your classic cocktail.

Vodka Martini

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What annoys me most about the vodka Martini is that most people think that this is a proper Martini, yes it is probably the most iconic version of the drink owing to a certain fussy spy making it his trademark. So what you need for this abomination is:

3 25ml shots of a decent Vodka

1 25ml shot of dry vermouth

1 lemon slice

And to make said abomination, all you do is slosh your vodka and vermouth into a cocktail shaker full of ice, shake if you’re a pussy who wants watered down booze, or stir gently if you’re a real man, then strain it into a cocktail glass and add your lemon slice, and then wonder why you ever thought James Bond a man of taste.

Coffee Martini 

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I was asked to make this at a cocktail  function a few weeks ago and have since perfected it, or some I’m told, hating the taste of coffee, I wouldn’t actually know if this was good or bad, so you’ll have to try it and see. You’ll need:

1 mug of black coffee (allow it to go cold)

2 shots of any old vodka

1 shot of Tia Maria (or any other coffee liqueur)

Its pretty simple to make really, shake it all over ice and strain into a cocktail glass its simply a cold Russian Coffee but it does the job, people seem to think its nice, to turn this into an espresso Martini, all you need to do is switch out the coffee for an espresso pod and shake well.

Appletini

Appletini

If you are completely secure in your masculinity and feel the need to make an Appletini for yourself, or have cause to make one for some one else, all you need are: 

4 25ml shots of vodka

2 25ml shots of Apple Schnapps

1 Apple slice

If you can avoid making fun of the recipient of this drink for long enough to make it, again all you need to take this to a cocktail shaker filled with ice and shake, you could stir, but no one ordering one of these things can handle alcohol that hasn’t been watered down, so shake away and strain it into a martini glass, then garnish with the apple slice, and then shake your head in sadness at the knowledge that someone actually asked for this drink.

Passion Fruit/Porn star Martini 

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I don’t know why these have become so popular of late, but every cocktail bar I go to they seem to be on the menu, so if you’re going to attempt to make one here’s what you’ll need

2 ripe passion fruits halved

4 25 ml shots of vanilla vodka

3 25ml shots of Passoa

1 tablespoon of lime juice and

1 tablespoon of brownsugar

1 teaspoon edible glitter

250 ml of sparkling wine (use Prosecco or Cava or Asti Spumante, don’t go wasting good champagne on something like this)

 

Making it is a bit of a buggerance however so listen carefully what you need to do first is scoop the seeds from one of the passion fruits into the glass of a cocktail shaker, then add the vodka, passoa, lime juice, glitter and sugar. Add a load of ice and shake well, strain into martini glasses, and then top up the bugger with some prosecco or whatever sparkling wine you have to hand and then finish it off by adding half a passion fruit to each.

How To Make The Perfect Martini

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We’ve all seen James Bond, it sounds pretty cool when Sean Connery or Roger Moore, saunters over to a bar in some fancy Cannes or Monaco casino dressed up to nines in his finest dinner jacket and dickey bow and comes out with that famous line “Vodka martini, Shaken not stirred” and every man watching that screen wishes he could be that cool and sophisticated. Would you begin to question the whole foundations of manhood if I told you that every part of James Bond’s famous drink order is just plain wrong? Well question away because it is.

WRONG

Lets start with the second half of the line “shaken, not stirred”. WRONG. If you shake a martini over ice, you’re bashing the ice about in a cocktail shaker, chipping bits off willy nilly, thus watering down the alcohol content. So what 007 is actually doing is ordering a watered down drink and being a bit of a pain in the arse in doing so.

Now heading back to the first part of this atrocity. A Vodka Martini. WRONG. Martini’s aren’t meant to be made with vodka at all, they’re meant to be made with gin. Preferably English gin, although Bombay gin, or what passes as gin from the continent will suffice in a pinch, and is certainly a damn sight better than vodka.

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Now that I’ve outlined some of the things that make a bad martini, I’ll talk you through how to make, to my mind, the perfect martini.

What you’ll Need

  • 100ml of Gin (Brecon Botanical’s for preference)
  • 25ml of Dry White Vermouth (Martini Bianco for preference)
  • Ice
  • A cocktail shaker
  • A Coctail Spoon
  • Two green pitted olives.

How To Do It

Put your ice in the cocktail shaker then add your vermouth, I, for preference go for a full shot, but some people range from a pretty hefty double to just mixing the drink in front of picture of a bottle of vermouth, but for my method stick to a full single measure (25 ml), then add all of your gin (don’t cheap out on the gin, you want something that tastes nice, not something that tastes like paint stripper or a widow’s tears). After you’ve added your gin, stir the mixture 7 times clockwise and then once anticlockwise (I’m fairly certain this is just something that I picked up from a Harry Potter book, and does nothing to enhance the flavour). At this point you need to put your olives in your glass (a proper cocktail glass) and then strain the mixture into the glass. Now drink up.