The Lazy Ramblings Of A Lazy Guy (On Being In Love)

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I was recently introduced to the Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Fellow by Jerome K Jerome. The book consists of 14 essays on 14 topics

  1. ON BEING IDLE.
  2. ON BEING IN LOVE.
  3. ON BEING IN THE BLUES.
  4. ON BEING HARD UP.
  5. ON VANITY AND VANITIES.
  6. ON GETTING ON IN THE WORLD.
  7. ON THE WEATHER.
  8. ON CATS AND DOGS.
  9. ON BEING SHY.
  10. ON BABIES.
  11. ON EATING AND DRINKING.
  12. ON FURNISHED APARTMENTS.
  13. ON DRESS AND DEPORTMENT.
  14. ON MEMORY.

Jerome K Jerome is pretty much me down to a tee. He’s lazy and just writes whatever comes to mind. He doesn’t care who he offends, and I often felt that he may have been somewhat high when he picked up the pen. But Mr Jerome has inspired me, so I am going to be writing a series of posts on the topics that Mr Jerome turned his hand at. (I know I’m ripping the guy off, but quite frankly I don’t care)

On Being In Love 

Have you ever seen someone and known that they would be a terrible distraction to your life. That was how I would describe it, that feeling of knowing that this person is going to really change your life. That knowledge that this is going to be massively inconvenient.

That’s how it all begins then you slip into it, the early days are all wine and dinner and flowers and dancing, but then comes the big pants and netflix, the cups of tea, the farting and the lack of make up, if you can get through that, that is true love. The enduring real world version of the thing.

Foreigner wanted to know what love is, well its two people who have decided to just give up and settle with each other because they find the other person somewhat less detestable than the rest of humanity, that my friends is love.

This is the second in series of posts ripping off the work of Mr Jerome K Jerome and his seminal piece The Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Man.

 

#Piggate

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This week certainly isn’t going to be a boaring week for political news. Now a lot of us can say that we’ve slept with a few pigs in our day…turns out for the Prime Minister this is literally the case. In a shocking claim, made by Lord Ashcroft, whilst at university David Cameron stuck his penis inside a pig.

Let that marinate for a moment, the Prime Minister has put his sausage in a pig.

Now putting aside jokes about pulled pork, or if the pig in question was spit roasted… how can anyone survive this sort of revelation? Will there be some sort of ham-fisted smear campaign to throw doubt on the evidence? Will Mr Cameron’s press team just claim that Lord Ashcroft’s allegations are a load of pork pies? What sort of narrative will the Conservative Party try to scratch out?
Although if you’ll pardon the expression the Labour Party must be as happy as a pig in sh*t, in a week where the new Labour leader has had to swallow a giant helping of pig shit, in what could only be described as a baptism of shite, Jeremy Corbyn has been handed a slice of fried gold in the form of the thousand and one one liners which should make PMQs a barrel of laughs for all on the opposition benches.
The internet has been quick to react with the #piggate already trending on social media, with commenters suggesting that Mr Cameron misheard the Tory Party creedo to screw the poor as screw the pork, whilst others offering this as a possible reason for recent split between long-term couple Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy.

The Internets Reaction

Now even if Mr Cameron manages to grease his way out of this situation and it’s proved that Lord Ashcroft’s squeeling has all been a load of porkies in order to make a profit David Cameron will forever be the man who fucked pigs.
But looking at the positive side of things (although for pure comedy value there is now way in hell that you could look on this badly)the Conservative Party could use this as a springboard for new policies of inclusivity towards non-traditional sexually orientation. That would be one way of making a silk purse out of a sows ear.

…Talk about making a right pigs breakfast of things. Eh Dave?