Quotes To Make You Look Smartified

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Quoting from literature is a key way to make yourself appear to be well read. Quotes from poems, plays, novels and various other literary ephemera can spice up your conversation and make you seem well read, so here are a few quotes, from a variety of sources, that all men should familiarise themselves with. They should also learn them by heart, because I can’t tell you the amount of arguments that have arisen from one misplaced word in a Shakespeare quote (ITS ” I KNEW HIM HORATIO” HOW IS THAT SO HARD TO GET”).

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet.” Juliet, Act II, scene ii From William Shakespeare’s Romeo And Juliet.

“Sorrow is knowledge: they who know the most must mourn the deepest o’er the fatal truth,that the Tree of Knowledge is not that of Life.” Act I scene i from Lord Byron’s Manfred.

“England has done one thing; it has invented and established Public Opinion, which is an attempt to organize the ignorance of the community, and to elevate it to the dignity of physical force.” Part II, The Critic As Artist, Oscar Wilde. 

“From childhood’s hour I have not been
As others were — I have not seen
As others saw — I could not bring
My passions from a common spring —
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow — I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone —
And all I lov’d — I lov’d alone ” Alone, Edgar Allen Poe.

“I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: — Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,
Half sunk, a shatter’d visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamp’d on these lifeless things,
The hand that mock’d them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!”
Nothing beside remains: round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.” Ozymandias, Percy Bysshe Shelley.

“The offences that one does a man should be should be such that he fears no revenge for it.” The Prince, Niccolo Machiavelli. 

“Every tradition grows ever more venerable — the more remote its origin, the more confused that origin is. The reverence due to it increases from generation to generation. The tradition finally becomes holy and inspires awe.” Human All To0 Human, Friedrich Nietzsche. 

“Seize the moments of happiness, love and be loved! That is the only reality in the world, all else is folly. It is the one thing we are interested in here.” War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy 

” A soundbite never buttered any parsnips” John Major

“Take it from me, there’s nothing more terrible than someone out to do the world a favour.” Sourcery, Terry Pratchett 

Hopefully some of these should enrich your conversational prowess, and make you seem a tad more loquacious and erudite.

 

Coming Out Of The Bat Closet (LGBTQ Themes In Batman)

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HOLY HOMOSEXUAL URGES BATMAN!!!!

Have you ever stopped to think how gay Batman is. There is a lot of subtext if you read between those thought bubbles. Lets look at it in stages.

  1. Batman/ Bruce Wayne’s relationship with women. As both Batman and Bruce Wayne, he seems incapable of maintaining a healthy long term relationship, such short term things seem fraught with tragedy, looking at his relationships with women as Batman such as Catwoman, Wonder Woman, or Talia Al Ghul, they all seem to be some sort of overcompensation. His relationships as Bruce Wayne however are quiet simply as a beard, they go a long way to setting up his persona as Bruce Wayne, millionaire playboy, whose to say heterosexual millionaire playboy isn’t also part of it.
  2. His relationship with Alfred: Alfred Pennyworth, Bruce Wayne’s butler and one time legal guardian and full time enabler. Alfred took on the role of father to Bruce Wayne after Bruce’s parents were murdered. Instead of getting little Bruce some serious grief counselling and psychiatric care he let him drop out of school to pursue his career as scourge of the underworld. Their relationship is more complex than just that however. Alfred genuinely does love Bruce like a son, however Bruce’s feelings are somewhat different, he begins to project on Alfred during his teenage years, and because he can’t act on these feeling internalises them and it feeds his depression and anguish, not to mention giving him cause to focus on ending crime on Gotham.
  3. Batman’s relation ship with Robin: Anyone who has ever seen the Adam West/ Burt Ward depictions  of Batman and Robin will have no illusions that they are a gay couple. The whole relationship is odd on the face of it. Now single men can make great parents, (dad’s can do it too etc) but it does seem a little strange that a single man in his 20’s/30’s would adopt a teenage son, it may be cynical of me to think that anything untoward was taking place, but when the man doing the adopting forces the child out on to the streets in a pair of green briefs, alarm bells start to ring, and it isn’t because the joker is robbing a bank if you know what I mean.

Batman is one of those characters that will never be outed in mainstream comics continuity (why else would you have characters such as Midnighter if Batman was out), but there are a lot of themes within the comic books, the TV shows and films that are definitely a bit on the queer side.

TV Review A Series Of Unfortunate Events

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*BEFORE WE BEGIN, WARNING THERE MAY BE POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD*

**SERIOUSLY, THIS IS A TV REVIEW THERE’S BOUND TO BE SPOILERS COMING**

***LAST CHANCE TO TURN BACK IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE SOME SERIOUS SPOILERS***

Now before we begin I’m going to hold my hands up and say that I have never actually read any of the thirteen books which comprise Lemony Snicket’s Series of Unfortunate Events, they were really more of the next generations thing, and in fact were some of my late brothers favourites.

The series itself follows the recently bereaved Baudelaire orphans, Violet, Klaus and Sunny, as they go to live with various estranged relatives, whilst trying to stay ahead of the villainous actor and their initial guardian, Count Olaf’s vile machinations towards the orphans and their family inheritance, all while trying to shed some light on the mysteries surrounding the death of their parents.

The series itself comprises of eight 45 minuet long episodes (a godsend when compared with the usual 24 episode series you get with a lot of american TV), which adapts the first four books of the series in a series of 4 two part episodes. A series of Unfortunate events has cast some real veterans of screen including Joan Cusack, Alfre Woodward, Catherine O’ Hara, Cobie Smoulders and Will Arnett all as supporting characters. Although the show itself is stolen by Neil Patrick Harris as Count Olaf, a true master of disguise and brilliant character actor, he manages to slip into the role of bad actor really well, invoking that old line, that it takes a really good actor to play a really bad actor. The way he goes into any costume and manages to play the convoluted and downright ludicrous is absolutely fantastic and he does make an excellent villain for the piece.

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Neil Patrick Harris as Count Olaf

Another stand out for the role is Patrick Warburton as Lemony Snicket, serving as narrator throughout the piece, his deadpan style and deep delivery really add to the tragicomical joie de vivre that embodies the show.

The children of the piece played by Malina Weissman, Louis Hynes and Presley Smith are a delight in themselves and really show a depth of character and to the show itself that, unlike most portrayed by child actors, may be safe for children to watch, but not necessarily aimed at children.

Overall the show is quick to begin, doesn’t overload you with details and offers unique and interesting set pieces and costumes, the theatricality can be over the top in parts, but I think its meant to be, and is a definite improvement of the soon forgotten, but never forgiven Jim Carey film version from 2004

The Lazy Ramblings Of A Lazy Man (On The Weather)

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I was recently introduced to the Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Fellow by Jerome K Jerome. The book consists of 14 essays on 14 topics

  1. ON BEING IDLE.
  2. ON BEING IN LOVE.
  3. ON BEING IN THE BLUES.
  4. ON BEING HARD UP.
  5. ON VANITY AND VANITIES.
  6. ON GETTING ON IN THE WORLD.
  7. ON THE WEATHER.
  8. ON CATS AND DOGS.
  9. ON BEING SHY.
  10. ON BABIES.
  11. ON EATING AND DRINKING.
  12. ON FURNISHED APARTMENTS.
  13. ON DRESS AND DEPORTMENT.
  14. ON MEMORY.

Jerome K Jerome is pretty much me down to a tee. He’s lazy and just writes whatever comes to mind. He doesn’t care who he offends, and I often felt that he may have been somewhat high when he picked up the pen. But Mr Jerome has inspired me, so I am going to be writing a series of posts on the topics that Mr Jerome turned his hand at. (I know I’m ripping the guy off, but quite frankly I don’t care)

On The Weather

Its rather cold outside today, I suppose it is that time of year for it. I dislike the cold, however being ginger it isn’t as if I’m geared towards the heat or towards sunshine either for that matter, but the thing about the cold is that it just works its way into the bones, it aggravates my gout, it incubates germs that lead to the dreaded cold, which if left unchecked can become a full blown case of terminal man flu.

There are some upsides to the cold. You’re more likely to get a seat on the bus as old people don’t feel like braving it. Places tend to look cleaner when covered in frost or snow, if only due to the way it covers the detritus that humanity leaves in its wake. But for an island nation Britain seems to stop working if it snows, people are afraid to leave their homes and so horde what supplies such as bread, milk and most importantly toilet paper. You would think that there would be some sort of snow etiquette, because after all it does snow in Britain most years. But no, people don’t just want to camp in their homes with as much bread and lav roll as possible.

Sunshine is even worse though, especially when it lasts weeks at a time, at least with cold you can take to your bed and escape it, but the heat is inescapable, the months of June, July and August, seem to me be like something Dante would have described in the Divine Comedy, hot as hell and nowhere near as pleasant, because at least Dante never made mention of mosquito’s or the noise that fans make as they drone on and only just managing to move the hot air about, rather than actually cool it.

And then there is rain, it helps the plants grow and keeps the streets clean, but other than that the only upside is that occasionally you’ll see someone get splashed when a passing car goes through a massive puddle, and that just says more about me than it does about the weather. For an island where it does rain for eight months of the year, you would think that people would get used to it, but the merest droplet of water from the sky suddenly induces selective amnesia in a great number of people, when it comes to the fundamentals of driving in the minds of motorists everywhere, they don’t seem to realise that they should perhaps go a little bit slower on the wet roads, or also that they should indicate, or that it whilst it may be 2 in the afternoon headlights should still be on when visibility is poor.

It seems though that no matter the season there is something to complain about, whether it be the cold and wet, or sticking to ones sofa on a hot day, whatever the weather there is going to be something to complain about, but I do believe that that is the nations past time, complaining about the weather, well that and queuing.

 

This is the seventh in series of posts ripping off the work of Mr Jerome K Jerome and his seminal piece The Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Man.

Desert Island Discs (Christmas Special)

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Desert Island Disc’s is a long running radio broadcast (currently broadcast on BBC Radio 4) where, in the BBC’s own words, “a guest is invited to choose the eight records they would take with them to a desert island”, guests are also permitted one book and one luxury item. However today I’ll be putting a Christmassy spin on the BBC classic and will be selecting festive themes for if I were to become a Christmas castaway.

The One Book

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The Father Christmas Letters by J.R.R Tolkien are stories told in the format of a series of letters, told either from the point of view of Father Christmas or his elvish secretary. They documented the adventures and misadventures of Father Christmas and his helpers, including the North Polar Bear and his two sidekick cubs, Paksu and Valkotukka. The stories include descriptions of the massive fireworks that create the northern lights and how Polar Bear manages to get into trouble on more than one occasion.

The One Luxury Item

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Remy Martin VSPO, It wouldn’t be Christmas without it. My gout may scream the following day, but it would probably make being stuck on an island a little more bearable.

The Eight Songs 

Slade-Merry Xmas Everybody

Michael Bublé- Its Beginning To Look A lot Like Christmas

Band Aid-Do They Know It’s Christmas

Frank Sinatra- Have Your Self A Merry Little Christmas

Tom Jones and Cerys Matthews- Baby It’s Cold Outside

Dean Martin – White Christmas

The Pogues- Fairy Tale Of New York

Nat King Cole- Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire (The Christmas Song)

So would you spend Christmas with me on a dessert island, if you had to listen to my playlist? Or does my choice in music make that trip to the inlaws seem a little bit more bearable?

Merry Christmas.

My Relationship With God

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Today I had a pamphlet come through the door, proclaiming god is the answer. Not that god holds the answers, but god is the answer. It got me thinking if god is the answer, what is the question? And then I began thinking about my beliefs in god, an afterlife, in life the universe and everything.

I’m not really sure what I believe and this worries me little, especially lately, a short while ago I lost one of my younger siblings, and it has made me begin to think about the whole life and death thing, I’ve never really been one for questioning my mortality, but I guess having to think of what comes after I suppose its only natural.

I cant say that I really believe in god, a church school sort of beats that out of you, I like the study of religion, but have never found anything that really resonates with my train of thought. I mean Christianity just seems to set up god as a dictator who forsakes those who question him or exhibits free will or thought. Lucifer was banished from the kingdom of heaven for questioning gods rule. Adam and Eve were cast out of Eden for daring to eat from the tree of knowledge. It also sets up God as insecure, in the Binding of Isaac, God asks Abraham to prove his devotion, but being omniscient surely God should have known that Abraham was loyal.

It isn’t just Christianity though, the Hindu religion claims that the universe will last for four days only, surely it would make more sense to last a week. I think the main thing that doesn’t sell me on religion is the way that people use it as a crutch, as a reason not to think for themselves, as a way to shut themselves off from new experiences and as a means of justifying hatred and closed mindedness. As far back as the Spanish Inquisition people have been using religious differences as a fuel for hatred and for unjustifiable acts of horror, from Isis and Al Qaeda to the Ku Klux Klan, this is one of the main reasons why I could never call myself a religious person. Because I can appreciate the teachings of various religious texts, I just think that the whole institution has been corrupted by those that claim to serve it.

The Lazy Ramblings Of A Lazy Guy (On Being In Love)

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I was recently introduced to the Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Fellow by Jerome K Jerome. The book consists of 14 essays on 14 topics

  1. ON BEING IDLE.
  2. ON BEING IN LOVE.
  3. ON BEING IN THE BLUES.
  4. ON BEING HARD UP.
  5. ON VANITY AND VANITIES.
  6. ON GETTING ON IN THE WORLD.
  7. ON THE WEATHER.
  8. ON CATS AND DOGS.
  9. ON BEING SHY.
  10. ON BABIES.
  11. ON EATING AND DRINKING.
  12. ON FURNISHED APARTMENTS.
  13. ON DRESS AND DEPORTMENT.
  14. ON MEMORY.

Jerome K Jerome is pretty much me down to a tee. He’s lazy and just writes whatever comes to mind. He doesn’t care who he offends, and I often felt that he may have been somewhat high when he picked up the pen. But Mr Jerome has inspired me, so I am going to be writing a series of posts on the topics that Mr Jerome turned his hand at. (I know I’m ripping the guy off, but quite frankly I don’t care)

On Being In Love 

Have you ever seen someone and known that they would be a terrible distraction to your life. That was how I would describe it, that feeling of knowing that this person is going to really change your life. That knowledge that this is going to be massively inconvenient.

That’s how it all begins then you slip into it, the early days are all wine and dinner and flowers and dancing, but then comes the big pants and netflix, the cups of tea, the farting and the lack of make up, if you can get through that, that is true love. The enduring real world version of the thing.

Foreigner wanted to know what love is, well its two people who have decided to just give up and settle with each other because they find the other person somewhat less detestable than the rest of humanity, that my friends is love.

This is the second in series of posts ripping off the work of Mr Jerome K Jerome and his seminal piece The Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Man.