Buying clothes for a woman is a nightmare. No. Its more like watching a train wreck in slow motion, but knowing that you have the power to to stop it at any time, but still go ahead with it anyway, its going to be carnage, but you’ve made the decision, the fault is yours. But if you are stupid enough to give it a go there are some things that you should probably try and be aware of because no man can pull off getting the perfect ball gown with less than a few minuets notice, no matter what James Bond can do, and those rules are:
- Sizes: Women don’t use normal sizes, there is no practical logic behind women’s clothe sizes. I mean what the hell is a size 10, is that XXL or is it tight on a super model? Men’s sizes are practical, we use inches, I can work out that I’ll need an 18 1/2 shirt because my neck is 18 1/2 inches in diameter. But seriously women’s sizes make no sense. And by Thor’s ginger pubes you better know what size your lady is going in. DO NOT ASK WHAT SIZE SHE IS. Use a little detective work to find out (check labels), because if you get it wrong you are in for a load of trouble. Too big and this could be seen as an insult, but too small can also be tricky too. Also you have to take into account things like bust size, and hip size, which is never really a consideration many men have to make, unless you are pretty damn unfortunate I mean before trying to buy clothes for my wife, I thought a bust was something that ravens perched on.
- Buy things she’ll actually wear: If the lady you’re buying for doesn’t wear incredibly short leather mini skirts on a regular basis, chances are it isn’t just down to the lack of one in her wardrobe, and if she lives and dies in jeans, chances are she won’t really appreciate a puffy prom dress. So what you need to do is buy things that she might wear, and not just what you would like to see her in. By all means go with a colour she might not normally wear (but would work with her colouring) but above all make sure that it fits in with her style or signature look.
- Find the line: Lets face it, if you’re buying clothes its obviously because you want to see her dress a certain way, or she’s broke and you’re a stand up bloke, but its imperative that you find the line between what you think will look good, and what she will, and hope its pretty close, because otherwise you would be better just giving her the money.
- Complete the look: Its so much easier being a man, after you have an outfit sorted that’s it. But not so for women, they have to pick the accessories, the jewellery, the bag, and perhaps most importantly the shoes, and they aren’t as equally on point as the outfit itself, the whole ensemble it a let down.
- Upkeep: If it involves fiddly ironing or dry cleaning just put it down and walk away, no body has time for that sort of thing anymore.
Hopefully this helps you navigate the minefield that is women’s clothing, but the most important rule is: Don’t get your hopes up; even if somehow you do manage to pull off the perfect outfit in the correct size and colour with corresponding shoes, bag and jewellery (although you’d probably be the first) chances are, it’ll only ever be worn once, then end up in the wardrobe for eternity with frequent trips to the floor when she declares that she has nothing to wear.
You’ll also notice I haven’t touched on the subject of buying Lingerie, but if I ever figure that one out, then I’ll write a guide to that too.